Trust

The chicken or the egg conundrum

Which one comes first? Well, most will tell you that trust must be earned. My mom would say, ‘trust, but verify’. Seems logical, right? But look at where it’s got us as a humanity.

For as long as I can remember, I only saw the good in people; an eternal optimist blinded by the potential of humanity. I attribute this perspective to an early childhood brush with death that gave me a glimpse of the other side, which is only filled with the light of pure potential. An orientation to life formed within me that became obsessed with nurturing the highest possible version of ourselves, both within me and others.

I believe that we create people. They become what we think of them and thus, how we relate to them. It starts at birth. A name is given to us, as is our religion. The indoctrination of gender norms are assigned. Then all the dreams and ambitions of our parents and society are forced onto us. We are told to behave in certain ways and to disregard our emotions. Over time, we become a shell of a human; simply mimicking how we were instructed to be.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Of course none of this was intentional, which is exactly the issue at hand. Imagine what the world would look like if we created people intentionally. What if ‘trust’ was the starting point; the proverbial egg that comes before the chicken?

Easier said than done.

Trust is a decision. We always have a choice; even when it’s hard. In my experience, the true measure of our capacity to trust is always internal. It is impossible to trust in life or in another human if we don’t first trust in ourselves. Socrates said, to know thyself is the beginning of wisdom. It is the path to self-love, forming a foundation of trust and the capacity to live with intention.

Hindsight is 20/20.

When looking back, everything makes perfect sense. Facing death and experiencing its beauty offers this perspective. Everything is perfect, exactly as it is. From our limited perspective as humans it might be challenging to accept this in the face of genocides, human trafficking, honor killings and sadist acts that play out across Earth. As the Buddhists say, ‘suffering exists and there is a way out’. I think it’s fair to say that it’s part of our journey as humans to suffer. Without dark, how can there be light? Without sadness, how can their be joy?

Many proclaim to desire peace on Earth. But what if this peace can only arise from within? What if it is the egg? What if we cannot experience peace if we don’t already feel it in our bodies?

Wisdom lives in the body, not the mind.

We were born infinitely wise. It’s not something we learn, but rather unlearn. So how do we get it back?

We must release the judgement; the lifetime of conditioning from our parents and society that we have internally embedded into our consciousness. We are our own worst critic. While this might sound easier said than done, it’s actually quite simple. All we need to do is to start remembering how to feel again. To allow the emotions in once again, like when we were babies. All we wanted was love; because it’s our true nature.

Human conditioning has brought us to this point in our evolution. We have seen much progress in our condition as humans. Yet, the past does not predict the future. Due to our incredible capacity to condition ourselves, we have developed great technical innovations that allows us to be more connected as a humanity than ever before. This is fueling unprecedented change that is speeding up to the point of a constant.

We must develop dynamic stability.

To thrive in an uncertain world requires a new kind of intelligence; one that lives in the body. It is a return to wisdom. It is to become emotionally intelligent. It is the language of the senses…to allow ourselves to feel fully. We must release the resistance; the tendency to numb away the feeling. We have become afraid to feel, because sometimes it hurts. So instead we form addictions to numb the feeling. Our favorites seem to me smoking, drinking, drugs, ‘medication’, sugar, sex, shopping, and our new all time favorite…the adult pacifier…our phones and our addiction to social media. But the ‘not so funny’ thing is that all these behaviors are way more harmful and painful that simply feeling, so why do we choose to numb? Well, we don’t really, it’s simply a behavioral pattern to avoid painful experiences. We learned it unconsciously as an avoidance mechanism. But we aren’t that person anymore; we’ve grown up. Now, we have the capacity to consciously release these reactive behavioral patterns. Instead of choosing to numb with our favorite obsession, what if we simply allowed ourselves to go into the feeling and to let it burn through.

On the other side, there is always peace.

Imagine what the world would look like if we all became emotionally intelligent. We would develop the capacity to be with anything and everything that we experience in this life without the need to change it. That is power, full stop. It is an orientation to life that is unconditionally loving. It starts from within and radiates out. It is the end of suffering.

So, do you trust?

Ryan Fix is the founder of Pure Project, an institute dedicated to the study of human connection and the vision of a world where all humans thrive.